"Moral Counterfeiting"

Sunday, March 9, 2014

I received an excellent compliment today.  My best friend and I went out to lunch, and she generously offered me priority to discuss my plans for the future with her.  Somewhere in the conversation, I ended up mentioning that I was sorted into Hufflepuff House by the Pottermore site.  She was surprised briefly, as was I when it first happened, but we both agreed that it made sense when you thought about it and moved on.

It was on the drive back to her house, while I was discussing the plot of a half-written verse novella, that she said in response, "I get Hufflepuff House for you now.  You are completely loyal to yourself and those you care about."  I really liked that description of it -- without all the baggage that comes with "self esteem" and "self worth" but also requiring more work.  "Loyal to yourself" -- not wanting to be anything you are not or live your life as if you do.

It's a fabulous compliment, really, and it was interesting to receive it today, because the reflection book admonished me to make sure I am not using my God-given intelligence to rationalize evil and undermine the idea of doing good.  To talk myself out of my conscience.

It's a good reminder that being loyal to yourself isn't a quality I have.  It's not a laurel I can rest on.  It's work I have to do every day.  It's why the compliment meant so much and felt so much more worthwhile a goal than the more common phrases scratching at the same idea.

Loyalty is both an active and a passive virtue, which is interesting.  It means the most when it's active -- when there are temptations and challenges to loyalty -- but it's perhaps most powerful when it's automatic.  You'd never even consider hurting someone.  You are reliable, available, in touch and on their team in a way you don't even have to talk about with someone else.  It's just there -- always.  Usually not needed in a particularly dire way, but ready when called.

I think "loyalty to your self" or perhaps even "loyalty to your soul" is perhaps a better way of thinking of "obedience" for me.  It's not about bowing to someone else's human will -- especially when so many things that the church fathers say about women horrifies me deeply -- or really about any kind of outside institution.  It's about valuing my own conscience, my own moral judgment, enough to follow it even when it's hard.  About being loyal to who I am and what I think is right, because that is more important than passing temptations.

That's what Jesus and the Devil were talking about in the desert -- loyalty to God, loyalty to His mission, and loyalty to Himself.  Remaining true to what He came to do.  It takes a lot of daily work to build up enough of a defensive wall that when the temptations come, you are able to hold the line.  Loyalty is an active and a passive virtue.  It, like your character, is made up of hundreds of small acts.  It may be proven in large acts, but that is the TEST.  It is the small, day to day actions, the time to think things through, that make you ready for when the test comes.

That keep you from moral counterfeiting -- using invention or expedience or anything really, we are so clever and resourceful, to keep you from being loyal to your own conscience, your own soul, your own relationship with God.