Thursday April 21, 2011

Holy Thursday

Triduum

I'm going to blatantly break with the Little Black Book today, because while whoever wrote it was fascinated with Judas, I've really said all that I care to about him.

I had thoughts of talking about Peter and how unfathomable it was to him that Jesus wash his feet - that a gesture of debasement could be taken up by God Himself. I think Father Rolo covered my initial thoughts on it pretty well, but as I wrote that down (at this early morning hour), it reminded me of something I wrote down once.

All of our systems of honor and chivalry, all of our shame culture, must look so hopelessly silly to God. I was writing about a scene from Prince Caspian in the Narnia movies (and the book) in which the captain of the mouse cadets, having lost his tail in battle, begs Aslan (Christ-figure) to restore his lost honor. And Aslan looks at him and tries very hard to understand why would ever let anyone or anything take away our honor, our sense of worth, our knowledge of our worth and beloved status in the eyes of God. And Reepicheep sounds foolish trying to explain why his Code of Honor is so important - because it is foolishness.

And I think that's what Jesus was trying to show us. All this pomp, rule, reign is earth and dust. It's a lot of nonsense we've cooked up. Hierarchies and external codes of ethics. Don't get me wrong, they have their uses and manners and etiquette is an easy, shorthand way of showing our sincere respect if so taken. But the principles are not binding. The principles of earthly honor do not actually determine your worth, certainly not before God. Your conformity to a moral code created by society is not that actual measure of your soul.

God Almighty washed feet, like a servant, like a degenerate. Reaching down to heal them was one thing - that was just being decent from the top of the pyramid. Taking up the position of such servitude, and even now we make it a position of honor by its new symbolism and make it just a quick gesture for a lesson at times, upset the whole scale. Or just shows it to be what it is: something that we can use in our mission to fulfill God's will for us but not something that we should ever let get in our way. Because it's not real. It's air.

Terry Pratchett has a character in Unseen Academicals who realizes something similar: "In most situations, people are not allowed to hit you with a hammer." This is a very freeing realization for her, because suddenly she stops worrying about what she's "allowed" to do and simply does what she knows needs to be done, knowing that no one will actually stop her or hit her over the head with a hammer for daring to attempt it.

It's not really quite that that I think Jesus is saying. I think He was trying to show us not just that the greatest should become like the least, that those at the top of the hierarchy should occasionally look down. I think He was saying that those at the top of the social pyramid have a duty to remember that it is all an elaborate illusion, that it's not real, and make that fact clear to those at the bottom of the pyramid, who have the heavier weight of society's constructs bearing down on them. I think He was showing us that every rung on the social ladder is a place where dignity and love can be found - in one way or another, they have a way to offer and receiver respect and ways to show their love. All of our mirages of honor and chivalry and etiquette are a convenient shorthand for the things often so hard to put into words, but that's no good if we don't remember that that's what they are there for: not to define us, not to limit us, not to blind us to others.

Dear Lord, help me to rid myself of my blind spots and untrue assumptions. Help me to find Your grace alive in my life. Lead me where You will have me go, amongst who You will have me go. Help me to know know where to follow You, and be with everyone who died today.