Tuesday March 22, 2011

Matthew 17:3

"And behold, Moses and Elijah appeared to them, conversing with him."

The obvious sentiment here is the connection to Jewish history and the fulfillment of the promise of the Covenant. And then there's the story from Father Manger's homily that I remember with such bizarre clarity about Moses' fear of going down alone and the summoning of Elijah to accompany him to meet Jesus on the mountaintop.

The Little Black Book took a different tac, talking about how we are all suffused with the Spirit of God. If we had the wit to see, we would see God and such magnificent sights everywhere. If others could see, they would see such a sight in us.

And I am thinking now about how Moses was so hesitant before the Burning Bush, making excuses until he actually had to be let off the hook a bit. Aaron, the better speaker, would deliver God's words to Pharoah, not the stuttering Moses of such influence, who was afraid to let others see the Spirit of God, the Fire at the heart of the bush that it did not consume, running through him. Who feared to be a luminous being in the sight of stepbrother and the old friends and enemies of his court.

All of the movie versions of the story dramatize this but tone it down. And they take out God's concession to Moses' fear. God demands, "Who made man's mouth? Who made the deaf, the mute, the seeing and the blind?" but then "What about your brother Aaron the Levite?"

There are those who love the spotlight, or can find it within themselves to embrace it, and those who will always shun it. It's the difference between my roommate and myself, in a way. I do love the sound of my own voice, and I love attention. I have my fears of being forced to hold everyone's attention, of that being my job in a given situation, but I eat it up. I worry that my roommate will never be comfortable with even a mild and private form of being the sustained center of attention - nor realize how good she is at it.

But I have problems with letting the Spirit in me shine through. I don't want to, and I doubt I'm supposed to, trumpet my own supposed holiness or anything, but I wonder if I would fear like Moses in Father Manger's story or in the one in Exodus. If God asked me to do some remarkable and center stage mission, to represent an enormous and wonderful a group as the prophets and holy Hebrew people, I would shy away. Let me interject from the sidelines. Let me throw down my staff but not make a list of demands. Choose someone better.

But that's not our job. Shrinking away into the excuse of humility - very different than the actual devotion to that virtue - is not our job. It's hiding our light under a bushel. And it reminds me of Akeelah and the Bee and that quote by Marianne Williamson:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."

Because perhaps the saddest part of the story of Moses' doubt in Father Manger and Exodus is that God concedes. He gave us free will. Free will to make ourselves smaller and dimmer. He will choose others. We could shine instead. We could overcome our speech impediment rather than entreating that Aaron be given the spotlight - because if we do not step forward to shine with God's light within us, God will find another way. We could go down to the meet Jesus alone, or we could go in company and let Elijah do most of the talking. And that would be fine. Elijah has the same right to come, though he is in a way less successful or at least dramatic a prophet. And Aaron did a perfectly fine job - perhaps the one-two punch of the tag team speakers was even better in some ways. But the choice was not to let the light of God shine in us, because we are a weak vessel.

We are all of clay, earthen vessels. Why do we fear to be more? When we know that we are, by faith? If you will forgive me one more outside reference, a (largely religiously-confused) character on Battlestar Galactica asks and answers a lost prophet, "What is the most basic article of faith? That this is not all that we are." Perhaps the most basic question of a faithful life, of any life, is then, "So why do we fear to be?"

It is frightening - but who made man's mouth? Who gave us His Spirit? Answer His call - before He concedes to your fear.

Dear Lord, please give me the courage to let Your light be seen in me, to let others find You always present in my every action. Help me to embrace Your light and to share it always with those around me. Give me the courage to be all that I can be, to shine with Your light.