Thursday March 17, 2011

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Matthew 4:8-9

"Then the devil took him up to a very high mountain, and showed him all the kingdoms of the world in their magnificence, and he said to him, 'All these I shall give to you, if you will prostrate yourself and worship me.'"

This entry may well sound crazy, because the last time I felt this feverish, I spent a significant portion of a Saturday afternoon working myself into a spiritual-themed delirium panic. Still feeling sane right now but, well, I only barely knew I was being delirious - and typing that statement did make me laugh a lot - yep, I'm still going.

The Little Black Book suggests in the meditation for today that what shows you if you're worshipping God or an idol is to think about what you spend most of your time doing and thinking about every day. And my honest answer was...a lot of things? I suppose my first thought was "my thesis" but as many jokes as I could make about what a cruel god that would make, it's not really true. The two weeks I devoted to the thesis were so crazy and miserable because it took quite a bit to make me focus. I feel like growing up I was always praised for having great focus. But my tunnel vision hasn't been around in awhile.

Mock trial competition - when every time I approached a witness and then turned around to head back to my seat and received an acute shock at the sight of the rest of the courtroom - the rest of the world still existing. Or a rehearsal room where it all fades away - but then, there are always ten thousand things to think of in those situations - all those things are just amounting to the same thing.

So what is my rival to God, my spiritual life? Trivia? Attention deficit? Boredom? Television? That's probably closest, but then how do you account for brickbreaker or reading through my old stories or that Terry Pratchett book on my nook that I keep pulling out and losing the plot of?

I think I need something that really feels worth my time - preferably something that will bring me closer to God. I think the Stuart Hall class will be just what the doctor ordered (not for my fever) in that regard. I'm starting a show with the middle school class in less than two weeks (OMG I'M NOT READY FOR THAT) and when I have a show going, not to mention a class I'll be teaching four times a week, that's where most of my thoughts will go. And I though it's not a religious school, empowering students is always a good work. And I know that God will pull me through it.

Perhaps trivia is the new strategy - because I won't bow down and worship something dumb like a thesis.

Dear Lord, I love You. Be with me, and help me to always look for You wherever I go and whatever I do. Never let me lose my devotion to You. Give me a project that we can work on together.