Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Ruth 2

I was planning on writing the story of Ruth chapter 2 from Ruth's perspective, but I oddly feel not up to it today. That's probably just the stuff going on with my grad program, but it's not a fun place from which to start this entry.

RUTH

There was a time in my life when I would not have noticed such a simple kindness, such a small thing for him to do, such a great gift to me. There was a time when I was too proud to understand what it meant to someone with nothing, to someone who had been met, since her arrival, with suspicion and dislike and fear. A twit with presumption to the House of Judah. A lost soul following another.

There was a time when Boaz's kindness would have seemed a small thing, as he no doubt thought it at the time. A simple show of generosity and respect. But now, he said to me that I was welcome here, that I could gather the fallen stalks, that I was a welcome beggar free to drink water with his workers, I fell to my knees in thanks.

"Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you should notice me - a foreigner?"

His reply was a comfort, for many did not see my actions as I had seen them, that day on the road. Many did not see my following of Naomi as a simple act of love. It was wonderful to be seen - my actions not more saintly nor more sinister than I had meant them. Just as I had meant them, why I had done it. But it was what he said at the last that came home to me.

"May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge."

I had told Naomi that her God would be my God. But I had suspected, deep in my heart, that I might worship Him, call on Him, but never would He love me as surely, as matter-of-factly, as I had seen Him love her. Boaz had looked uncertain, meeting my eyes, after he spoke. I could not guess what fire or what water burned in them, but I was nearly blinded by it.

I had followed her to save Naomi, to save her love for God and remind her of His for her. I had not presumed to love her God or to be loved by her God as she was loved. So the God of Israel first loved me, before I reached to love Him in return. Perhaps it must always be that way. Perhaps no one ever knows it in themselves after all. Perhaps we all learn it, as I did, that day, in someone else's eyes. Matter-of-factly, in an everyday kind of blessing, there was a truth I had never known.