Saturday, March 31, 2012

John 11:1-8

Martha

My Confirmation saint! Also, I have a lot to say about her.

MARTHA

I waited too long to send for Him. That's why my brother died. I waited too long to send for Jesus. I just kept thinking: I am a skilled nurse, but I can't stop the crowd from stoning Him if He returns. I was proud. I should at least have told Him. He deserved to decide Himself.

But then, I knew that Jesus would come running back. He had so many followers, so many whom He loved. But we were His friends. He was as welcome at our house for His company as He was for His teaching, for His wisdom, for His power and grace. At least to me. And Lazarus. Mary often tilted in the other direction, but even she was a friend as well as a follower.

It was a strange thing, to be friend to the Messiah sent from God. It was never a role I would have expected. To know that He would come to help you because He cared for you. Because He was your friend, and had sat at your table and admired your dates, as much as because you listened to His teachings.

If I had sent for Him sooner, He would have come in time. This is the thing I know, deep down in my bones, as I prepare my brother for burial. That this is my pride. And my foolish fear for the man who is also the Son of God. Because He is my friend, and I want to protect Him. Protect the man I know is protected by God. Protect the man I have seen do wonders. Protect the prophet who walked through a crowd of people who wanted to stone Him with no harm done. Protect the Messiah and Son of God from mere petty men.

I would not send for the Messiah because of my friendship for the man. I was a fool who did not understand. Who had too much fool pride and fear to believe. Mary would not have made such a mistake, but she was looking to me. Looking to me to say when the fever was truly dangerous.

I failed them all.