You Don't Deserve a Person

I went on a tirade about this several years ago, and my friend Amanda cheerfully repeated the phrase at the crux of the argument, "You don't deserve a person."

At the time, it was about romantic relationships and reacting against "not good enough for her/him" arguments as well as people feeling entitled to reciprocation.  I do believe that.  You don't deserve a person.  They want you back or they don't.  Simple as that.

We don't deserve God's love.

We have it, but we didn't earn it.

Today, some parents insisted the contrary to me with the love of the students in my production.  The thing is, I didn't have to. To my surprise last semester, girls flocked to the auditions for Julius Caesar.  I talked a lot about the trust they offered me freely.  I celebrated it.

It was much more like the love of God.

Don't get me wrong, I've worked hard and thought obsessively and opened my heart to them in order to be worthy of the trust and love they gave me.  I've rewarded their trust.  But I didn't pry it from them.  I didn't build it piece by piece.  One of the most remarkable things about this past year is not having to do that.  Having the students give me the chance to skip the painstaking, slow steps of earning trust.  And running as fast as I can to push them harder.

Perhaps that's why it's so easy to feel close to God's love and favor while working at IWA.  Good work is acknowledged, but I was trust early.  I was loved early.  Before I realistically earned it.  I've built on the foundation they offered me, just as I try to live my life as God would want me to.

But I didn't "earn" the love of God or my students.  It was given as a free gift.

The prodigal son's brother wanted a check list.  I will do these things, and then my father will love me.  I will be an obsessively worthy son, and then he will trust and honor and love me.

All he had to do was exist.

The thing about it is, the reward for being good is the act of being good itself.  The reward for staying in the Father's house all of your days and doing His work and foregoing more worldly excitements is always being in the Father's house and the joy of doing His work.  It's not a checklist to get you to the Super Secret Special Level of Heaven.

The Kingdom of God is here now.  The joy is the work.