Singing Voice

When I was an idiot kid, I used to think in Mass sometimes that I wish I had a terrible voice, because I always felt really strongly that everybody should sing even if they were bad at it -- and there's no real way for someone with a good singing voice to make that argument.

Or because there's something self-indulgent about singing when you have a good voice.  Someone who raises a horse or strained voice to the heavens in praise...that's purer worship.

Sometimes I just thought it'd be more fun to holler along in the crowd rather than trying to sing.

I was a real idiot kid.

Because I tried to sing for some time today with effectively no lower register.  And it was terrible.  Terrifying, really, to suddenly tell my voice to sing a note and hear a different one come out.  To hear myself falling out of key or even falling silent on the lower notes of my range...which has apparently shrunk.

My fellow music team was nice about it, and I didn't sound like an old frog stuck in a drainpipe or anything, but I couldn't really lead the music for the retreat with this voice.  I couldn't help in a way I've been blessed to do before and am hoping to do again once this endless cold finally gets sorted out.

I need my strength back to do this service to my faith community.  I don't know what I'm meant to learn or grow from this moment.

I feel more sympathy for those who don't want to sing along.  But I didn't find some new musical ability or even a real humility since I fully believe my voice will be back soon.  In fact, I and my friends have been praising my usual singing voice to make myself feel better.

I suppose this is what comes of trying to fit a single lesson to every day of Lent.

I reread yesterday's post because I saw a comment on it (Hi, mom!), and I realized not only are there little prayers answered no, not only are their failures to sing that don't mean the end of the world or some fabulous growth opportunity, but frankly: we were never promised people would love our singing voices.

We were just told to sing.

After all, incense smells terrible.  And burning that is still an offering to God.