Sunday, September 27, 2010
Another uncomfortable one, but this one for its clarity. The opposite of last week, in that way at least.
I can't help thinking that it's too easy - or perhaps too much the opposite of easy - for the "you had a good life here on earth" to mean "you will suffer eternally in hell" and "you had it rough" to mean "come sit by Elijah in Paradise." I mean, Elijah had it rough too, but he also did a lot of stuff. A real force for good. Perhaps Lazarus gets a pass because he wasn't able to do much but sit outside a gate and let dogs lick at his sores? But you don't want to get into blaming the victim either.
It is too hard a knot for me t'untie, as Viola would say (in a massive cop-out of solving a problem of her own creating, so this is a really bad example for me to use and a great example of how guilty I feel about this cop-out reading of the parable).
The Renaissance had this whole Wheel of Fortune concept to help them deal with the guilt of having it good. This feels, to me, something like the parable form of that. It's okay that our society has blatant inequality and pretty much dumps certain people into the gutter. If you think about it, everybody hits the bottom of the wheel - you can only go up from here! Lie number one: you can always burrow in deeper, you can always get dragged down further. And, don't get too pleased with yourself (or nuveau riche guilty) about it when you're on top of the world, because the wheel keeps turning and you'll fall back down! Line number two: you can always rise, you can always keep going upward. A setback isn't a downward spiral.
And, of course, the biggest lie of the Wheel of Fortune is that it's drawn with a king on the top and a beggar at the bottom, to symbolize the vast range of the wheel that keeps on turning. But only one person is ever a king, and he never becomes a beggar (except for like Charles II or IV during the English Civil War) and no beggar gets to be king for a day (except Robespierre and Cromwell and Quasimodo). It doesn't happen. It takes a revolution. The lie of the Wheel of Fortune model of the universe: it's really just an excuse not to feel bad about being born into title and privilege and hopefully keep those who most decidedly were NOT from bringing out the guillotine.
And my whole philosophy and rant on the Wheel of Fortune really comes down with how terrifying it is, to someone in the 10% of the world glutted with luxuries so much that they seem like necessities (nice to have you back, Father Castillo!), to hear that that means we're probably going to hell. Unless we manage to see it - the Lazarus at our doorstep. If we let the chasm that exists between the rich and the poor - that distancing that we put up, that ditch that we build to keep sane and comfortable - from persisting. And then pretend we don't notice the flames - when we set the chasm on fire so it would be uncrossable and thus we didn't have to feel bad about not crossing it.
Surely it must be a terrible moment, when having built this divide to feel less like an asshole for spending money on an iPhone that could build a well to give water to an entire village in places where iPhones might as well be hovercars, a terrible moment when we realize that God is actually on the other side of that gap. We built the divide between Heaven and Hell. We did it because we got the locations mixed up. Location location location. And we didn't notice the glaringly obvious. We didn't think about where to look for God.
And I don't know what I can even do. I can't give away money that's being given to me - that never feels like mine anyway. When I'm being supported in everything, when I can't even find a job to work for my bread, it's hardly me sacrificing the give alms at Church. I suppose I could find service - but I think I might have a nervous breakdown, especially if I also find a job. But then, that's all bull, isn't it?
I'm digging a ditch to keep everything at a distance. I designing a Wheel of Fortune. I'm playing games with myself and dancing faster than I thought I could, to dance rings around the fact that I have everything and I'm not helping those with nothing.
So suggestions? The free breakfast for the homeless seems pretty well-staffed, but...I don't know.
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